Yeah-right!
If you clicked on this article hoping to find magic words to say to make
someone instantly fall in love with you or some kind of love spell to cast on
that not-so-interested boy/man or girl/woman, I am sorry to disappoint you.
I
am old school on this one. You can't hurry love. No, you just have to wait.
Love don't come easy. It's a game of give and take. You got to trust, give it
time.
But
just how long does it take for someone to fall in love? And at what point do
you say, "OMG! I can't believe it's happening to me!"
I
personally don't believe any "Love Expert" can tell you with 100%
certainty just how long it'll take for someone to fall in love. If anyone tells
you they know exactly how to make someone love you forever in 30 or even 90
minutes, get a clue. It's Kool-Aid!
There
is no magic number of minutes, weeks, months or years for when people fall in
love. If we're talking about attraction based on sexual chemistry, then
Scientists claim it takes a man just 8.2 seconds to "fall head over
heels"; and a woman 15 seconds to decide if she wants to fall in love or
not.
Explains
why I fell in love twice today -- at the supermarket! One of the men asked me
to marry him after only 60 seconds of meeting me. [O! Please. Don't get any
ideas, I am kidding. This woman is taken!]
The
point I am trying to make here is that we fall in love with someone that we
have known for a while. The process of "falling in love" happens in
stages for most of us (with the exception of the emotionally immature or
unhealthy who fall in love with just about anyone -- and too quickly).
The
first stage of falling in love is the one I just talked about above; one based
on sexual chemistry. Keep in mind, "sexual" is not necessarily about
"sex" but rather about the energy that drives sexual attraction. The
second stage is when we realize just how unique and special the person is; and
the third is when we have convinced ourselves that we're happier and more
fulfilled with that person in our lives.
A
majority of men stay far too long (and some even get stuck) in the first stage
of falling in love, while women tend to merge stage two and three into one, making
it look like women fall in love in only two stages. My guess is that the
biological clock has something to do with it.
But
even if no one can tell with 100% certainty just how long it'll take someone to
fall in love, there are words and other signals that tell you that a man or
woman is falling in love with you.
Most
people think it's when the person utters those three magic words "I love
You", then you know for sure they are in love. I wrote an article titled
"I Love You" - How Soon Is Too Soon?" and what I said in short
is that each man or woman has their own different timetable for saying "I
love you". Some people say it right away with a new person, while others
prefer to wait a while to be 150% certain that they truly love the person they
are saying these words to. And for some people saying "I love you" is
kind of like saying "Thank you" or "Good-bye". In other
words, saying "I love you" does not always mean someone is falling in
love or is in love with you.
I
asked some of my clients to tell me when it is "they knew for sure"
and here are some of their responses.
1.
I knew when we started calling each other daily. But more than that, I could
hear in her voice that I was the one she wanted to share all of her news with
first.
2.
We were talking about some areas where we felt amazingly apart. He looked at me
and said "I am so afraid that our relationship might not work out or go
further. I don't want to lose you!"
3.
When D left a few toiletries at my place, I had an "'a-ha" moment. At
the time I didn't know where we stood, it was a simple signal to me that things
were getting a little more serious.
4.
I was really into her but she did not give me the time of day. I felt that she
was out of my league. Four years later, we were hanging out together with some
friends we both have known since our sophomore year. They started teasing us,
said we always looked like a couple. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips.
It was very passionate. I knew there and then. She is a naturally shy person,
she would never have done that if she didn't love me.
5.
I honestly don't know when I knew for sure. M. knew I had a past before we met.
Every man who has ever loved me including my father abused and abandoned me. M.
goes to great lengths to reassure me that he will never leave me. And I believe
him with all my heart.
6.
We didn't have big agendas and neither one of us was in a rush to make our
relationship go anywhere. We focused a lot on getting to know one another,
spending time together and talking. One day we both looked at each other, and
we just knew. It's kind of like when you open the door and you know you're
home.
7.
It was when he told me he had set aside space for my stuff in his closet. That
told me that he was comfortable sharing his space with me.
8.
Valentines Day. I asked her if there was anything that she wanted to say or
wanted to hear that wasn't being said. She said "I love you". I said
"I love you more". Neither of us had said that to the other and we'd
been together for more than two years.
Bottom
line, there is no one-size-fits-all length of time for someone to fall in love.
Some people "know" that the person is right for them as soon as they
set eyes on that person (love at first sight). Some of these men and women who
fell in "love at first sight" report feeling an unexplainable sense
of having known the person before (soul mates). That think/feel knowledge is
then confirmed with more information gathered after getting to know the person
for some time.
It
would be really nice if all of us were that fortunate to have someone fall in
love with us at first sight, but that doesn't happen to the vast majority of
people in this world. For the rest of us, you cant hurry love. Love takes time.
How much time? No one can tell for sure. All you can do is nurture the feeling
of attraction and help the other person move through the stages of falling in
love. How soon they can do that depends on the individual -- and his or her
issues!
Christine
Akiteng is an internationally renowned Dating Confidence/Relationships Coach
who has devoted her life to the blending of indispensable age-old wisdom with
modern realities into a prescription for passion, vitality, balance and
effortlessness. Her thought-provoking message of conscious intentionality
offers singles new, realistic and stimulating insights to rediscovering the
mysteries and eternal beauty of men - women sexual relationships.
0 comments:
Post a Comment